My wife was overseas again in November of 2021 and I went to Aargareezem again for a very brief visit. I got tuck in traffic in Hawara (and ws absolutely fine) and had only a few minutes at Givat Olam efore the park staff closed up. But it was both amazing and sufficient. 😀

We now no longer have a car & don't know when we'll get one so even if the opportunity presented itself I would hve to take a bus to Har Bracha & walk. I don't think I would want to drive through Hawara now anyway.

I occasionally text my Shamer friend. I have tehina in the fridge always & of course have the little piece of Givat Olam that I carry around in my pocket always.

I wonder if my wife thinks that my relationship was a passing phase that has faded. It wasn't & it hasn't, not at all. But since I know how she feels, I do not raise the subject, ever. I have faith in Shema & know that His will must be done.

It is not how I want to serve Him but about how He wants me to serve Him and I know that means being my wife's husband and that means being an orthodox Jew. So I keep Aarareezem deep, deep in my heart; Shema knows it's there & that is sufficient.

Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

 Ellen Johnson Sirleaf says: "If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough."

My dream of becoming a Shamer, an Israelite Samaritan as opposed to an Israelite Jew, terrifies me so I guess it is big enough.

"I have been to the mountaintop!"

Well, to quote the late Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 'I have been to the mountaintop'.

I know I said I wouldn't do this but my wife is overseas and I simply could not not go to Aargareezem. I WhatsApped my Shamer friend & he said that today (Friday, 18 June) would be a good day to come. (My wife gets back on Tuesday morning.) Sunday is Shavuot for the Shamerim. He said that he would speak to the manager at the Israel Nature & Parks Authority site on the mountain, to let me into the locked areas surrounding Givat Olam and the Altar of Yesaahq. I drove there this morning; my drive through Huwara was breathtakingly uneventful. I was so excited when Aargareezem came into view! I threaded my way through the Shamer village & drove straight to the site. The manager was expecting me. There was hardly anyone there, which suited my purposes very nicely. The manager asked me if I was becoming a Shamer and I said that since that would break up my marriage, no. When we got to Givat Olam, he reminded me to take off my sandals (which I would have done anyway, of course). As soon as he opened the gate, I strode in and threw myself down flat on the rock, arms and legs outstretched. I was very conscious of the feeling of the warm rock pressed up against the left side of my face. I lay there for at least 5 minutes (thank Shema there was nobody there) and said, "Here I am Shema, here I am" and then repeated "Here I am" several times. Other than praying and thanking Shema for bringing me there & asking if I might serve him there one day, all I said was "Here I am." We then walked over to the Altar of Yesaahq. The manager let me in. I stared in awe at the rocks of the altar for a few minutes and left. As he locked up the gate to the altar, I thanked him and said that I was now ready to play the visitor/tourist. I walked over to the deck where one can see Nablus down below & Mt. Eval on the other said. The view was as stunning as always.

Afterwards, I drove down into the village & parked right next to the compound where the fire pits for Pesach are. The area has been refurbished and is now much better kept than I remember from some of my previous visits. he now 20 pits are capped & locked and are thus presumably clean & free of litter. I saw a Shamer cohein on the steps of the building right next to the area with the pits. I recognized him as the Cohein Gadol's brother & the keeper of the little museum up there  (where my friend and I were, see my second post way back). I must've stuck out like a non-Shamer sore thumb. He greeted me and I went over to him. I said that I knew him & remembered him from the museum, which was 7 years ago. I told him that I remember something he said then & think about it often. There was a young married couple there with us. The cohein asked them if they thought that the Shamerim loved Jerusalem & when the husband said no, he replied, "No, it is a city in the Land of Israel and we love it very, very much." He was amazed that I remembered that. I told him that I had been there in 2014 to see their Pesach and that in a sense, I had never left. He smiled. I told him that I had just come from praying at Givat Olam & the Altar of Yesaahq. He said that anyone can go there. I said no, that my Shamer friend had asked the manager to open the gates for me so that I could pray on the sites. He was impressed. I told him that I can come only very infrequently as my wife does / would / not approve. I told him that I thought King Solomon had made a grievous mistake by building a large and grandiose Temple to replace the (mere) tent of the Mishkan. Lots of peoples build & have built grandiose temples to their gods, that is commonplace. But who worships their G-d in a tent? That is unique. He asked me where the Mishkan/ Tent of Meeting was and I pointed back at Aargareezem and said it was hidden there somewhere. He smiled again.

Shabbat is coming in soon. I must go get ready. I will write more tomorrow night, please Shema.

Well, it's late Sunday afternoon. 

The cohein that I spoke with brought up the canard from Hulin 6b that they, the Shamerim, worship a dove-shaped idol. They resent that utterly false (and malicious?) accusation and are hurt terribly by it. I told him that I know it is false and that as soon as I realized that it was false, I started wondering what else in our so-called "Oral Torah" is false and once you open that door, there's no going back, you cannot shut it again. (To quote L.M. Boston, "What's thought cannot be unthought.") As Friday was erev Shabbat (duh) and erev erev Shavuot for the Shamerim, and since he was a cohein, he was constantly being greeted by passers-by. I thanked him for his time and then went to see my Shamer friend, who I hadn't seen in several years, certainly not during my last visit to Aargareezem 2 years ago. It was good to see him (and his formerly Jewish wife). He is in his late 70's and is showing his years a bit but is still as mentally alert as always. I thanked him profusely for speaking to the Israel Nature & Parks Authority site manager and arranging for me to get up close and personal on Givat Olam and the Altar of Yesaahq. He gave a Shamer calendar (good until April of next year, until the next First of Nisan of course, the real "Rosh Hashanah") and a copy of the latest Shamer newsletter, of which he is the publisher. We spoke for a while and then I wished him & his wife a good Shabbat & a happy holyday and then I left and made my way home.

So I'm back to...

Furtive visits, snatched on the sly;

time too short, till the next visit good-bye.

Until then Aargareezem that I see

must remain hidden deep within me.

My wife so far has not asked me what I did last Friday before Shabbat so I have not had to lie to, or mislead, her. I am not happy about that but there was no way I could not go to Aargareezem. I hope and I pray that what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I do NOT want to hurt her but I just could not stay away. In my prayers I have been thanking Shema profusely and profoundly for blessing me and affording me the privilege of going to Aargareezem.

I would like to serve Shema on Aargareezem as a Shamer very much and He knows that. But I have realized that what is important is not how I want to serve Him but how He wants me to serve Him. And He wants me to serve Him as my wife's husband, as her partner, and if that means being an orthoprax Jew (who must snatch furtive visits to Aargareezem on the sly and keeping Aargareezem deep, deep in my heart), then so be it. I will not complain about what Shema is denying me but will praise Him for what He is blessing me with: A woman of grace whose worth is far above gold (to paraphrase Ben Sira) and the awesome privilege of visiting with Him on His Mountain from time to time.  

I still carry the little stone I took from within the fenced area around Givat Olam. It is in my pocket every day, Shabbat, holidays, etc. If I cannot be with Aargareezem, then a little piece of it will have to be with me, and this will have to suffice.

I heard Loreena McKennitt say, at her concert in the Alhambra, that a traveler just travels. The point is the journey itself (or "The journey itself is the point"), not arriving per se. Arriving somewhere, anywhere, is irrelevant. I am tired of travelling. When I became an orthodox Jew here in Israel, I thought that I had arrived. And then, after years of living as an orthodox Jew, I felt restless, I felt the yen to travel and I realized that being an orthodox Jew was just a way station, to where I as yet had no idea. Then my path led to, led me to, Aargareezem. This is where I want to be but where I cannot be. Why can't I, why couldn't I, be happy in Jerusalem (as it were), as an orthodox Jew??!! Why do I feel this spiritual restlessness? I would be far happier, I think, if I did not feel it, if being an orthodox Jew was not just a way station. But much as I would like it to be, it is not. I am still drawn to a northern hill. Deny Aargareezem? I might as well deny my kidneys.

And what scares the hell out of me is what if Aargareezem isn't it either? What if I could get there and after a while, I feel that awful gnawing restlessness again and Aargareezem proves to be just a glorified way station? What then?

Stoned

Yesterday & Monday was our (Jewish) two-day holiday of "Rosh Hashanah". In the orthodox Jewish ritual, once on each day, at a certain point during a particular prayer, we kneel on the floor & genuflect. I placed my stone from Aargareezem on the floor and knelt, resting my forehead on it (and not on a cloth or piece of paper on the floor as per Jewish custom). I prayed that one day I might kneel & genuflect in prayer on Aargareezem, openly, as an Israelite Samaritan. May it be G-d's will!

I went to Aargareezem!

One week ago today, I had to drive up north. Instead of driving on Highway #6 the whole way, I drove through Samaria and paid a quick (5 minutes!) visit to Aargareezem before driving through western Samaria and turning onto Highway #6 further north than I otherwise would have. Once again Givat Olam was locked, as was the Altar of Yesaahq. But it didn't matter. I knelt by Givat Olam & prayed and then went over to the Altar of Yesaahq. There was nobody else there, just me & G-d. I slipped off my sandals and walked around barefoot. Before I left I said with as much emotion as I could muster: "How full of awe is this place! This is none other than the House of G-d and this is the gate of Heaven!" I reached inside the fence around Givat Olam and took a small stone from the area next to Givat Olam. I keep it in my pocket, especially when I pray. Until the next visit!

I did not tell my wife. I'm not happy about that but I think this is one of those times when, to quote the Jewish sages, peace trumps truth.

More dreams

Sometime in the past few years, after my Mom passed away, I dreamed that I was actually converting to the Samaritan version of our faith. I was preparing for the ceremony and put on an orange-colored robe / tunic. My Mom had ordered an orange-colored robe / dress / garment thing / before she passed & never wore it. My Dad offered it to my wife. It wasn't her style and we ended up giving it away. Was my wearing an orange-colored robe in my dream my Mom's way of communicating her approval of my inner embrace of the Samaritan version of our faith?

In June of last year (2018), I dreamed that I was driving to Aargaareezem. I was very excited. I was in Huwara when I remembered that my wife does not want me to go there because she feels threatened by my interest in the Shamerim and their approach to Torah, and my attachment to Aargaareezem. My interest in the Shamerim and my attachment to Aargaareezem frighten her. I remembered, in my dream, what the Cohein Hagadol told me when we met, that I must not jeopardize our marriage. (I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage to the wife Shema has blessed me with but it was good to hear the Cohein Gadol tell me this.) So I turned the car aside, off the straight road to the Mountain. I was aware, in my dream, that the straight road, both physically and metaphorically!), for me, leads to Aargaareezem. So I turned the car onto a twisting road back to Jerusalem.  That is when I woke up.

I was not upset that I was not able, in my dream, to reach the Mountain. Not even in a dream am I prepared to go behind my wife's back and betray her trust in me. I was happy and grateful to Shema that Aargaareezem was still in my heart such that I dream about it even though I had not been there for over 2 years

Wow, it has been a while since my last post, 2.5+ years.

I have been back to the Mountain only once since my last visit. During the intermediate days of Sukkot 2016, my wife agreed to go with me (!) to the National Park on Aargareezem. The parks authority was having all kinds of activities there, including kite-flying. That is not how I want[ed] to go to the Mountain but since it was the only way my wife would agree to my going there, we went. The fence around Givat Olam was locked. I stood right next to it, slipped off my sandals, stuck my toes under the fence and gripped the rock as tightly as I could and prayed. We walked around the top of the mountain and walked over to the Altar of Yesaahq.

I have not been back to the Mountain since. My attachment to it and to the Israelite Samaritan version of our faith frightens my wife terribly. She feels threatened by it. So I do not go there and do not talk about it. I want to go the Mountain more than anything except upsetting my wife and affecting (detrimentally) our marriage. I will not go there behind her back (no more "furtive visits on the sly"). So I keep the Mountain even deeper inside. I just hope given the lengthening years that It will not get lost in there, deep, deep down inside me. But I suppose that is my challenge, to keep it at the forefront of my heart, and my hopes. Even though I do not talk about the "Samaritans" or "Mt. Gerizim" around, or to, her she knows that they are still in my heart (though I wonder if she really knows how deeply). That bothers her but she has made her (uneasy) peace with it. (Did I say a post or two back that I marvel at her endless patience?) G-d but I love her!

My mother passed away in November 2017, may she rest in peace. Having to mourn for her according to orthodox Jewish law jolted me back into going to regular prayers in the / a synagogue three times a day. But I still direct my prayers to Aargareezem. I put on tefillin in the morning but I do not, and will not, say the blessings. Outwardly I must appear the (modern-)orthodox Jew. Plus it makes my wife happy, which counts for very, very, very much.

I pray that G-d may open her heart that she should allow me to go to the Mountain very soon but without her being threatened or afraid. I also pray that G-d might open her heart that she will see Aargareezem the way I do and that we might worship G-d together, there, but in secret if need be.

I WhatsApp my Samaritan friend every now and then to let him know that I am still here. It is now between Passover & Shavuot. Of course I am counting the Omer according to the Israelite Samaritan rite.

On Friday nights, at Shabbat evening prayers in our synagogue, I envision myself standing there on Givat Olam, in spirit I am there, amidst the buffeting winds until they blow me back to where we live. During morning prayers, every day, when we read the song at the Red Sea, I envision myself at Givat Olam and the Altar of Yesaahq, in spirit I am there. I just pray that it is Shema's will that I might be there bodily, not just in spirit, and openly.

I still read that Israelite Samaritan commentary on the weekly Torah portion (according to the IS rite) in our synagogue every week. It and the tehina are my physical links to the Mountain and the Israelite Samaritan version of our faith.

I will close by reposting something I originally posted back in March 2014:

High Priest Amram Isaac writes about Mt. Gerizim:

In the account (to which reference has been made) Jacob (upon whom be peace) is commanded to erect another altar on it, in order that the timid may be well assured that such a place is his refuge, for it is the house of God, the protector, (may He be exalted) who saves the one taking refuge in Him and seeking Him by faith, in this place.

I had another dream about the Israelite Samaritans two weeks ago. I dreamed that I was in some kind of seaside resort complex, a very large, spread-out building on the sea, with outdoor decks, promenades, etc. only I was inside with all the families & people who were walking around. There was a kind of atrium on a lower level, with a deck running around it, ampitheatre-style. The Israelite Samaritans were there, holding a Hatam Torah ceremony in which a child reads Deuteronomy 33 & 34 before the community (the closest thing to a Jewish bar mitzvah). I wanted to go down to them but there was a (perfectly transparent) perspex/plexiglass barrier between the Samaritans & non-Samaritans. I was in a crowd of people most of whom were shuffling past them without paying them any attention. I wanted to go them but I couldn't. I saw the barrier and stopped. I thought it wouldn't be seemly to gape & gawk. The shuffling crowd shuffled me along, and away. That's when I woke up.

It being autumn I am thinking about going to Aargareezem again, before "Rosh Hashanah". What do I seek, and find, there (in the few hours that I will spend there)? For me, I am going to Umbilicus Mundi and tapping into the spiritual energy that flows into the world (and me) at that point. I recharge my spiritual batteries for another year (until my next visit). I get the strength to re-realize that God has a plan for me, that I must trust in Him that He knows what He is doing and that what He is doing is for my benefit, and that rather than seek immediate answers, I must wait and believe.

This motzaei Shabbat & Sunday is the Jewish fast of the 9th of Av. I will be fasting for one reason only: My wife would be upset (very) if I did not. I think I will eat some Israelite Samaritan tehina as my last food before the fast starts & as my first food after it is over. This way I will either be remembering it or looking forward to it throughout the day, when my heart is not on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem but on Aargareezem.

I even wrote my own kinah to read on Sunday morning:

_____ 

Today I weep for stillborn hopes

and dreams that withered while in bud.

An empty belly is soon filled

but an empty heart cries for bread.

See the grapes beyond my reach?

Would that I could have them!

They are sweetest nectar!

(Why can't I play the fox?)

The bird in hand makes a joyous chirp

for others; I cannot hear it

and would serve it up stuffed

except then I'd have nothing.

Better to have one's cake and gag on it

than stare at reflected grapes on an empty plate.

And the worst part?

Pretending that I like cake.

_____ 

Aargareezem Bit El - Kal yaamee 'ayyeenoo!

Random thoughts

I had a thought about the Rabbinic notion of building fences around the Torah. I thought about Aabaah (Eve), in Genesis 3, in which she tells the snake that Shema had told her and Aadaam not to touch the Tree of Knowledge. We know, of course, that Shema said no such thing. Aabaah was, in effect, building a fence around the Tree and misrepresenting it as God's own words, just as Rabbinic Jews have been doing for centuries vis-a-vis the Torah. (And once the snake saw that Aabaah was prepared to misrepresent and, in effect, falsify Shema's words, the snake knew that he could persuade her to sin and defy Shema.) 

Last month my wife & I went to a wedding near Beit Shemesh. When they sang "If I forget you Jerusalem..." during the chupah, I said quietly to myself (and to Shema, of course!), "I acknowledge and testify that Aargareezem is the Holy Place chosen by God, not the Temple Mount in Jerusalem."

Also last month My wife & I went to the Old City of Jerusalem. My wife had to pay a shiva call & then we went to see the Light festival. While my wife was paying her shiva call, I sat with my laptop in a quiet corner in the Jewish Quarter and checked my email, did some work, etc. My wife had suggested that I could go down to the Western Wall but then dropped the idea when she realized, I think, that I have no desire to visit that place, certainly not to pray there. It really means nothing to me. Later we walked past the gigantic Hurva synagogue. What a monument and testimony it is to the Jewish penchant for grandiose buildings! Where did we ever get that idea? Certainly not from the Torah!

No plastered house can match the thrill

of a simple tent on a northern hill.

Been to the Mountain!

Let's see...

I left my office on Tuesday afternoon, March 29, at around 13:30. I picked up & dropped off hitchhikers along the way. I always make it a point to pick up hitchhikers & give people rides. I figure that if I do good with the car, then perhaps Shema will bless me as I drive it. Driving through Hawara was absolutely fine. We even got stuck in slow traffic; nobody even looked at us.

I drove up past Har Bracha & through Kiryat Luza to the gate at the national park. I saw men cleaning the area around the Pesach pits (it breaks my heart to see garbage & litter in that holy place!) & getting it ready for the great offering. I used my annual Parks and Nature Authority pass to enter. I couldn't go to the holy places right away as I had some work to do on the computer. I did that, put the laptop back in the car & walked out on the Mountain. It was windy & chill but I didn't mind. I was the only person there which was just as good. I looked down at Kiryat Luza and at Har Bracha, looking at both but actually in neither. I thought, how appropriate! As much as I try to learn about the Israelite Samaritans (including the IS version of the Torah) & talk to my IS friend, I know that I will, in all likelihood, never be one of them. I will always be the literal outsider looking in. And Har Bracha (which might as well be our entirely religious neighborhood)? I'm not at home there either. There I'm the figurative outsider looking out. I never felt so alone. I went to Givat Olam, took off my shoes and socks, opened the fence (how symbolic! I, the rabbinic Jew, opening the fence!) and walked out on the bare rock. I wanted to feel the rock with my feet. I lay down flat on Givat Olam (I wanted to feel the rock on my face and my hands) and prayed for the day when I can go to Aargareezem openly & not have to steal away on furtive visits. I also prayed that Shema should please, until that day comes, grant me some sort of equilibrium. 

I stood up, walked around some more, then knelt & lay flat and prayed some more. I left Givat Olam (closing the gate, I won't say "fence"!) and walked out to the wooden deck overlooking Mt. Eval & Nablus down below. Before leaving I went to the Altar of Yesaahq & walked down & around & stood in front of it for a good while, awestruck, trying to imagine Yesaahq stretched out on there with Abraahm ready to do Shema's bidding. But then it was time to go & I went back to the car. I know that there are the other holy places on the Mountain and one day I will ask my IS friend to show them to me but for now it is Givat Olam & the Altar of Yesaahq that draw me.

The drive back through Hawara was equally uneventful. I picked up & dropped off more hitchhikers on the way home.

I wrote the following verse:

Furtive visits, snatched on the sly;

time too short, til the next visit good-bye.

Until then the Holy Mountain I see

must remain hidden deep within me.

I thought/think about receiving the High Priest's blessing, which is very comforting, and a great source of strength, to me.

Our youngest son (15) once expressed an interest in coming to see the Pesach offering. He wants to see the shechita and preparation of the lambs & lowering them into the blazing pits. He hasn't brought up the idea lately. I hope he has forgotten about it. I really would prefer not to see the ceremony again, once was enough. To see it again as an observer, a spectator, and not experience it as a participant, would be heart-rending. I also see that the Israel Nature and Parks Authority will be having the usual activities but I that isn't how I want to come to the Mountain. All the visitors might think it odd to see me praying at the various holy sites.

I see that the Israelite Samaritan and Jewish counting of the Omer will coincide this year. We will both start on Saturday evening April 23/Sunday April 24. I can count with my Jewish friends & neighbors and none of them will realize that I'm really counting according to the Israelite Samaritan understanding of "from the morrow of the Sabbath". Where better to hide than in plain sight?

On another note. On the Shabbat before Purim, the rabbi at our shul spoke as he usually does & mentioned Haman in the course of his remarks and added that Haman was an Amalekite. His adorable four year old son piped up & said that the King of Arad was an Amalekite. I looked up the King of Arad (Numbers 21:1-3 and saw that Rashi says that he was indeed an Amalekite even though the actual text says nothing of the kind and describes him as a "Canaanite" who "lived in the South." Rashi cites various midrashic sources to the effect that these descriptions don't mean what they say and that the King of Arad really was an Amalekite. I think this is another example of the rabbis playing around with the plain and simple meaning of the actual text to make it say what they want it to say. What if the text actually means what it says & not what rabbinic sophistry says it says? There's a thought.

End of February news

Up until this past Friday, my main point-of-contact with the Israelite Samaritans has been reading the weekly Torah portion in my translated English Torah & following the Hebrew commentary that I download from the IS website. The IS readings are now about the 11 Plagues & the exodus from Egypt. The IS count 11 plagues in Egypt, not, 10. They count the incident with the staves & the crocodiles ("serpent" is a mistranslation of the Hebrew t'nin, which means crocodile) in Exodus 7 as a plague. (FYI, in Exodus 4, the word nahash, snake or serpent is used.) This is my contact; this is what I must make do with at present. But this past Friday, my wife & I went to a family-owned pharmacy in our community. The pharmacy also stocks natural herbs & extracts & stuff. We went in & I noticed on a shelf IS tehina (tahini), from the factory in Kiryat Luza, on Aargareezem. I was delighted; naturally we had to buy some. The wife pharmacist (they're a couple) said that they had recently visited Kiryat Luza & the national park, saw the tehina & decided to buy some for the pharmacy. Seeing & buying that tehina, this token from Aargareezem, inspired me. When I was in synagogue Friday evening & I faced Aargareezem (see my previous post) to beg Shema to bless me and grant that I might serve Him one day on the Mountain, I felt the wind carry me all the way past Har Bracha, through Kiryat Luza, past the Passover pits and deposit me down on Givat Olam. I felt the wind at my back as I stood there, I actually leaned backward into this spiritual wind as I stood there, on the Mountain, before the wind picked me up and brought me back to our snagogue. How exhilarating! I thanked Shema as profoundly as I could.

The other bit of news is that just before Purim, my wife will travel abroad to help her mother (a wonderful woman) move into the local Jewish assisted living facility. She will be abroad for almost three weeks. I would love to visit the Mountain if I could. We shall see.

January miscellany

So, I was reading my Israelite Samaritan commentary on the Aalaak ("parsha") "And Yaaqob dwelt" in synagogue last Shabbat (I had read the Aalaak itself in my translated Torah at home the night before; unfortunately, the book is too big to take to synagogue) when something struck me about the phrase "And it came about at that time, that Ye'ooda departed from his brothers..." This is (also) a metaphor for the fact that we, Israelite Jews, the descendants of Ye'ooda, have departed from our Israelite Samaritan brothers and from the one true Torah and the one true Holy Place, Aargaareezem! Truly we have departed from our brothers. Well, this Ye'oodi has come seeking his Israelite Samaritan brothers (and the one true Torah and the one true Holy Place, Aargaareezem!

On Friday nights in synagogue it is our custom to sing the hymn "Lecha Dodi" and then turn to face the door of the synagogue as we "welcome the Shabbat Bride". I always turn back around to face the Mountain and implore Shema to bless me and grant that I might serve Him one day on the Mountain. I imagine myself racing up the hill from Maskit junction, passing the entrance to the Jewish community of Har Bracha, entering Kiryat Luza, passing the pits for the Passover offerings on the right, entering the national park and coming to a stop at Givat Olam where I stand before Shema with my hands outspread at my side. The Friday night before last, as I stood there in synagogue with my hands outspread at my side, I could really feel myself standing at Givat Olam with the wind blowing around me. It was as close as I've ever felt to the Holy Place without actually being there. I tried to recapture this last Friday night in synagogue but couldn't other than for a second or so.

I had an early morning dream one day last week in which I was hiking cross-country through a field. I could tell that there was a valley before me. I went forward to see how steep it was and where there might be a way down to it. All of a sudden it turned very steep and I found myself on a *tiny* ledge in the rocks. I could not go forward and I could not go back (no way back up). It looked way too high to jump. I was afraid, I had no idea what to do. As I felt panic setting in, I lost my balance and pitched headlong into the valley. But to my delight, I floated (on my back) all the way down to the bottom. That's when I woke up.

Right now I'm still stuck on the tiny rocky ledge. I cannot go back to orthodox Judaism (in my mind/heart) and the way forward to becoming an Israelite Samaritan is too steep, i.e. dangerous. Would that it was/could be as easy as it was in my dream! 

Reading the Torah & the Talmud

Hmm...

I am reading (in Hebrew) an Israelite Samaritan commentary on the[ir] weekly Torah readings and enjoying it immensely. The IS understanding of the Torah is so different from ours. I noted previously hat they do not vilify Esau/Ishaab the way our rabbis do. Neither (as I've learned) do they vilify Laban.There is a tendency, I think, in o'dox Judaism, to put the great men & women of the Torah on a pedestal and treat them as wholly pure, almost other-worldly saints whom it does not behoove us mere mortals to criticize. They are thus made into cardboard, monochrome characters who are more caricature than real character. Any tendency to see them otherwise is derided as *gova einayim* or viewing the great men and women of the Tanakh as being ordinary human beings, a kind of Biblical lese-majeste. It's a nice way to stifle debate and any questioning of the rabbis' pronouncements. While the ISs hold the great men & women of the Torah to be extraordinary human beings, they do hold them to be human beings, replete with human drives, passions and failings. Such an approach does NOT rob them of heir holiness, rather it adds to it. The rabbinc approach, rather, robs them of their humanity and leaves us not with real people we can learn from but monochrome, made-from-cardboard (and thoroughly unbelievable) saints. I must say that I find the IS approach refreshing, very.

I saw this article on the Tablet website & posted the following reply on Tablet's Facebook page:

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I have a whopping problem with this from the penultimate paragraph:

"...we have also seen, in Tractate Berachot, that God Himself prays and wears tefillin. Now, in Gittin 6b, we see that God also engages in Torah study..."

It is concepts such as these that have helped turn me off Rabbinic Judaism altogether. Whether literally or as metaphors, I can no longer accept statements such as these from Berachot and Gittin which depict God as engaging in all-too-human activities. Isn't this warmed-over paganism with a monotheistic veneer? God wears tefillin (as it were); Zeus wears a laurel wreath. And the difference is? If one takes such statements literally, then one crosses the line into actual paganism. To Whom does He pray? To Himself? If you believe that God has arms to put His tefillin on (is He right-handed or left-handed?) and that He has curly black hair (as per Anim Zemirot), then why can't He father children? By declaring that God does these things (wear tefillin, learn Torah, etc.), the Rabbis are casting Him in our image.

"...But God cherished both Evyatar’s and Yonatan’s insights, saying, 'These and these are the words of the living God'—the famous formula applied to the disagreements of Hillel and Shammai..."

I'm not trying to be smart-alecky and I really mean no disrespect. By putting words in God's mouth to the effect that 'These and these are the words of the living God' the rabbis are engaged in sheerest chutzpah. 'These and these' are the words of two flesh-and-blood rabbis who ought not to presume that their utterances, however sincere, are those of God Himself.

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Until next time... 

Something I wonder about

I wonder to what extent I can be counted in a minyan, the quorom of at least 10 male Jews over the age of 13 that is necessary for communal prayer? If there are at least 11 men the question is moot. But if there is only 10, as occasionally happens, then there might be a problem. I don't know who I could ask and if I were indeed not-countable, I couldn't exactly say the next time I was one of only 10 men that I could not be counted. That would be my "outing" and I will NOT do that to my family. My solution? Try to avoid being one of only 10. I do not like leading prayers & try to avoid that also.

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill

Yeah, I love that song. I'll get to it in a second.

Lessee here...

I intended to go to Aargareezem on Wednesday, September 9. But that was when this part of the Middle East was hit by a  terrible dust/sand storm. The storm lasted several days but Wednesday the 9th was the worst. My wife suffers from asthma & even though I had taken the day off work, I had to stay home & help take care of her. I imagine that visibility on the Mountain was not very good that day.

My Israelite Samaritan friend had brought this collection of IS daily (and other) prayers, transcribed into modern Hebrew, to my attention. I printed out the 30-page collection (including cover & appendices) & actually read it in synagogue on both days of our Rosh Hashanah holiday & on our Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Hatorah holiday. This was the high point of my holidays. Nobody noticed (good).

During our Sukkot holiday I saw an article in an Americn rabbinic journal in which it was pointed out that 3 of our so-called halachot l'Moshe miSinai (see 

https://www.ou.org/torah/mitzvot/taryag/31_halachos_lmoshe_misinai_according_to_the_rambam/) had to do with sukkot. I noticed that in addition to these 3, 12 have to do with tefillin & how to write a Torah scroll and 1 has to do with our adding an additional 5 days to the time a woman is niddah; i.e. none of which Israelite Samaritans (I don't know about the others) do. So, I wonder if our rabbis didn't develop the (rather curious, I think) idea of halachot l'Moshe miSinai as a way of keeping the less learned masses away from Israelite Samaritan practice, that we should not see them and get ideas.

In the above regard, I recall posts between my IS friend & I from last October.  I wrote:

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"Your citation of Nehemiah 8:14-15 is very interesting. The plain sense of the text is that the items mentioned are for use in building the sukkah, not for any "Four Species." The Babylonian Talmud (Sukkah 36b-37a) discusses this very issue & these very verses. Rabbi Yehudah (bar Ilai' 2nd century CE) says that the items mentioned in Leviticus 23:40 are indeed for building one's sukkah with and cites Nehemiah 8:14-15 in support of his opinion. His view is rejected, of course, on the presumed grounds that Leviticus 23:40 refers to four specific, exact species, not broader categories as you have mentioned above ("any nice fruit" and "branches from any green tree"), and that if one couldn't find any of them in a given year one would be unable to build a sukkah that year.

Ezra 8 makes it clear that the Jews who returned from Babylonia knew *nothing* about the Torah. They probably looked north, saw Israelite Samaritans building sukkot like the one pictured above and thought "Hmm..." Ezra & Nehemiah would have done their best to stamp out this view but it must have persisted at least until Rabbi Yehudah bar ilai's time many centuries later."

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He replied:

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"Dear Sabi,

thank you so much for your encouraging comment. Your suggestion that the returners from the exile did what they saw in the North very interesting and logic."

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About three weeks ago, I dreamed that my IS friend was introducing me to the (Israelite Samaritan) High Priest. I told the HP that my IS friend was very patient with all my questions, and that I was profoundly grateful for his English IS Torah and that it was the only printed Torah in book form that I read anymore.

I am going to the US next week (for 2.5 weeks) to see my parents, brother & some good friends. I very much wanted to go to Aargareezem before I went. This past Wednesday, Oct. 7, was the day. The boys were in school & the army, respectively. They have no idea of the depth of my fascination with the ISs & I would like to keep it that way. My wife wasn't entirely thrilled but being an extraordinarily patient woman, she did not ask me not to go. I emailed my IS friend & he said that he would be in his apartment in Kiryat Luza. I had a thoroughly uneventul drive there (good). I drove up to the National Park on the summit first. To my chagrin, there was a handwritten sign on the gate explaining that for "technical reasons" the site was closed. Major frump.

(It's now late Monday night & I'm sitting here at the airport waiting to board my flight.) So I went to my IS friend's apartment; I hink he's more or less always there on Wednesdays. I told him about the sign. I know that he knows all the Israel Nature and Parks Authority personnel there and that ISs may enter the site free, pretty much whenever they like. He made a few calls and informed me that they were doing major maintenance work on the electricity, water, etc. and that closed meant closed. Before I could double major frump, he told me that we would do something that, to me, was just as good as going up to the holy sites. He told me that we would go meet the High Priest, the High Priest. I had emailed my friend and told him -- inter alia -- about my dream but I was still kinda floored. My friend & I talked for a while. I told him that it was disturbing to see that the little compound where the ISs offered the Passover lambs was unkept & had so much litter, including in the 6 pits. 

(After I had come down from the closed park & while I was waiting for him, I had walked around the compound. I prayed that one day I might be privileged enough to be here not as a spectator or an occasional visitor, but as a member of the IS community taking part in the holy rite there. The iron grate over the shallower pit where the ISs burned the parts of the lambs that must be offered to God had burnt residue on it. I dabbed ome on my finger & smeared it on the inside back cover of my copy of the English translation of the IS version of the Torah. One day!)

I told my IS friend hat I had downloaded the aforesaid IS prayers and that I had read them in our synagogue on each day of our Rosh Hashanah & on our Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah and how this had made my holidays.My friend said that he admired me for my devotion and said that I must keep the questions coming. 

He had two other visitors: A Palestinian journalist from nearby Nablus & a Palestinian doctoral candidate from Columbia University in NYC. The latter was writing her dissertation on some aspect international law and was interested in the legal staus of he IS community. He introduced me as an orthodox Jew who was very drawn to the IS (version of our) faith. My IS friend and his two other guests spoke at some length in Arabic; I just sat there & occasionally smiled. At one point my friend thanked me for my patience and said that we would go see the High Priest soon. I replied that Ihad been waiting to meet the High Priest for 52 years (I'm 52) and that I could wait a little longer. He laughed.

At one point my IS friend took a call on his cellphone and then told us that we would go see High Priest Aabed-El ben High Priest Aasher ben High Priest Matzliach now. We went to see the High Priest in his home, which was right next to the Passover compound. We sat on couches in a room just off the entrance. It seemed too small to be a living room; my guess is that it was his room for receiving visitors. His wife (?) brought out (very smooth) Turkish coffee in little china cups on a matching tray. When the High Priest came in, I stood up and then sat down when he did. He wore a red kind of fez/turban and a brown kind of suit. He first spoke in Arabic with the two Palestinians. Then my IS friend spoke to him (also in Arabic) about me. I got the distinct impression that that this was not the first time he was hearing about me, that my IS friend had mentioned me to him before. My IS friend asked me what I would like to say to the High Priest. I told him what I had said in my dream, that I was very grateful to my friend for patiently answering all my questions and for his translation of the Torah, and added that it was the only chumash (printed Torah in book form) that I now read. I said that I would like to come to Aargaareezem more often but that my wife would not approve. The High Priest (through my IS friend) said that my family was of utmost importance and that I must face Aargaareezem when I pray (I told him that in our synagogue I can do that without arousing any suspicion since the synagogue faces that direction anyway). He said that devotion to God, in any form, was important. My IS friend beckoned me to sit next to the High Priest and receive his blessing. He put his hands together, held them as close to my head as he could without touching it and moved them back-and-forth while he pronounced what I think was the priestly blessing from Numbers 6:24. I was very moved and concentrated as hard I could. When he was finished, we all took our leave. My IS friend helped me buy some of the very good tehina/tahini they make up there; I wanted to take it to the US. I drove back home.

Practically, what did I get out of my visit? When I pray now, I substitute "Aargareezem" for Jerusalem, and Shema and Eloweem for A-donai and Elokim, in all my prayers. I face Aargareezem unless doing so might attract unwanted attention. But whether I face Aargareezem or Jerusalem, it is Aargareezem that is in my heart.

Morally, ethically, High Priest Aabed-El has blessed me. I must now show myself worthy of his blessing by trying to be a better person in some way[s], by improving my character, and by working on my less-than-desirable traits.

So, what does Solsbury Hill have to do with it? (Try this version, with lyrics.) This song makes me think about how I have come to be interested in the Israelite Samaritan version of our faith & have become so strongly attracted to it and to Aargareezem, and how I must keep this secret. Gabriel sings:

"To keeping silence I resigned

My friends would think I was a nut...

...When illusion spin her net

I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette

When I think that I am free..."

Sigh

Aargaareezem, Bit El - Kal yaamee 'ayyeenoo!*


* Mt. Gerizim, the House of God - All the days of our life!

Dog days of August

Well, we're into the "dog days" of August. But for me that's a good thing. I love our dogs. Their being canines, as opposed to hominids, doesn't detract from their being full members of our family. When I was doing my annual stint of IDF reserve duty back in the summer of 1993, I was at a small base on the Israeli-Egyptian border about 50 kilometers or so north of Eilat. We were out on patrol one night. Our modified light truck was near the northern end of our patrol route & we turned off the lights & stopped for a break. Our Bedouin tracker made coffee for everyone. I barely sipped mine. We were at least 20 kilometers from the nearest electric light, in the middle of the desert. It was a perfectly clear night & I just stood there looking upward, gaping at the stars. The sky was carpeted with them. I saw the Milky Way. I saw falling stars. I have never seen anything like it either before or since. I felt the wonder & majesty of God that He created such things and afforded me the privilege of being able to see them. Well, when I walk the dogs or just interact with them, I get that same sense of wonder & majesty, I see God's handiwork (as it were) and feel grateful and privileged . Woof!

I mention the dogs because I had a dream a while back in which one of them featured prominently. I dreamed that the bigger of our two dogs carried a very large snake in his mouth. He carried it into our bedroom and dropped it on my wife who was asleep. I know exactly what this means. The dog, as per what I wrote above, is an agent of God. The snake is the same as the one that bit me in my dream on June 6 of last year. The snake that bit me was tiny; this snake was huge. Why? Because a bite from a tiny snake was all I needed to set my mind & heart free. I was well on my way and was ready to be bitten (as it were). My wife (may God bless her!) is nowhere near where I was then, let alone where I am now. She is not ready to be bitten (as it were) and would need the bite of a considerably bigger snake. So, the dog had to drop a whopper on her. In writing this I just realized that my readiness to be bitten was symbolized in my being awake in my dream from June 6 of last year. That my wife is not ready to be bitten may be seen in the fact that she was asleep in my more recent dream.

I had another dream that I was at my Israelite Samaritan friend's home for Shabbat, although I don't remember whether it was his home on Holon or his flat in Kiryat Luza on Aargareezem. It was very late at night & I couldn't sleep because I was anxious and excited about going to the IS synagogue for Shabbat morning prayers, which start before dawn. One day!

I fasted, of course, on the Ninth of Av a few weeks ago although it was solely for appearences' sake. Sigh.

I am looking forward to going back to Aargareezem early next month for my annual visit. By then our youngest son will be back at (boarding) school; our oldest son recently started his IDF service. The boys do not know about the depth of my interest in the Israelite Samaritan (version of our) faith and I would prefer to keep it that way. There has been bad craziness in Samaria of late & I hope it will be OK to drive there.

More on counting

The Israelite Samaritans are celebrating Shavuot today (Sunday, 28 June). Last week, I emailed my IS friend & asked him until what day should I count the Omer, until this past Friday night/Saturday, making 49 days, or unil last night (Saturday)/this morning, making 50 days. Jews, if course, count only 49 days. While our Shavuot is the 50th day, we do not count it; our last day is 49. He said that ISs count 50 days & so I did as well. (May God grant that I one day celebrate Shavuot on Aargareezem as it is meant to be celebrated!)

Yesterday, I looked the source of this whole kerfuffle, namely Leviticus 23:15-16, which says:

"And you shall count unto you from the morrow after the Shabbat...sevencomplete weeks; even unto the morrow after the seventh Shabbat you shall number fifty days..."

The plain meaning of the text is that we count 50 days. The Jewish sage Rashi comments on this and says that it means "until, but not including, 50", i.e. 49.Thus the Jews count only 49 days. The claim is that if we were to count 50 days this would not be "seven complete weeks." But the problem with hat is that the text clearly says that we are to count 50 - not 49 - days! Why can't it mean that we re o count seven complete weeks *plus* one day. This would be in keeping with "...you shall number 50 days." I think that this more Rabbinic sophistry that does not jibe with the plain written sense of the Torah.

I counted 50 days. May it be God's will that I do so next year as well (and the year after that, and the year after that, etc., until a ripe old age)!

nb

Little goats & such

I wrote another poem:

Slaughterhouse Rules

by Northwardb (northwardb@gmail.com)

Copyright April 2015; all rights reserved.

#

Once I played the doubter

and killed a sacred cow.

I didn't mean to do it.

("What will I do now?")

I had savored holy blood

and scarce knew what I'd done

But I swung my knife again

and killed another one.

I put away my blade,

shaken to the core,

but the taste on my tongue lingered

and bid me butcher more.

I raised my arm and slashed

and quickly felled my third.

Now no longer playing

I greatly culled the herd.

Staggered by the slaughter

of much that I'd held dear,

"Where," I cried to Heaven,

"Where can I go from here?"

I led the remaining cows

away from what I'd known,

my knife now dull from wear,

into a land that wasn't sown.

I started writing this very late one night while I was out walking the dogs. It just started cming to me & I started writing on my phone (I saved it as a looong SMS).

I've taken a fierce liking to to Chava Alberstein's version of the classic Passover Seder song Chad Gadya. Click here for a YouTube clip. She has a beautiful voice, which I think even non-Hebrew speakers could appreciate. While I do not share her rather left-wing politics and certainly do not share her sentiments regarding the song & all the controversy it originally generated (click on the first link above, the one on her name, go to page #4), the song really speaks to me. A single work of art (a poem, a painting, a song, etc.) can mean 100 different things (none of which may have even remotely occurred to the artist!) to 100 different people. That is the beauty of art; its ability to inspire is limitless.

So after Chava Alberstein sings about the Angel of Death taking care of the butcher (she leaves out the part about God taking care of the Angel of Death), she sings (rough translation by yours truly):

"...Spring hasn't arrived, Passover hasn't come.
What is different? I am different this year.
On all [other] nights, on all [other] nights I asked only four questions.
Tonight I have another question:
How long will this cycle of terror continue?
Tonight I have another question:
How long will this cycle of terror continue?
Pursue and be pursued,
beat and be beaten,
When will this insanity end?
What is different? I am different this year.
I was a lamb, a whole kid;
today I am a leopard and a ravenous wolf.
I was a dove and I was a deer;
today I don't know who I am..."

Ooh, this talks to me.

Spring heralds hope & Passover heralds deliverance and I feel that I have little of either. Asking a fifth question signifies a breaking of forms (after all, there are only fourquestions). The cycle of terror and the insanity are a hint to the next image. That I was a lamb, a whole kid & a deer means that I used to be accepting and satisfied with the forms and conventions of (in my case) orthodox Judaism. But now I am a pursuing, beating ravenous wolf who upsets the applecart, who is not accepting and who is not satisfied with the forms and conventions of orthodox Judaism. Once you've upset the applecart, you can't get the apples back. Some roll away and are lost, others get smooshed, etc. I long for some kind of rest, some kind of equilibrium ("How long will this cycle of terror continue?...When will this insanity end?...") but am disheartened because I don't see the possibility of that happening. I tried to capture this dynamic in my first poem above. Alberstein's song continues
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"...One little goat, one little goat

which my father bought for two zuzim

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(this is how the song starts; this is actually the opening stanza) and then ends
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Here we go again, back at the beginning.
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How's that for optimism?

I've been reading up about Uriel da Costa & have tracked down a copy of his book in a library here in Jerusalem. Light summer reading, eh? What a pity he was not aware of the Israelite Samaritans. Some of his criticisms of rabbinical Judaism seem to jibe with certain IS views. 

I have been counting the omer in the Isrselite Samaritan mode; today is the 39th day, by the way.

I actually spoke today to an acquaintance who knows a bit of how I feel about the IS's, Aargareezem, etc. This person was struck how one can just go right up and stand / walk on Givot Olam on Aargareezem, where the Tabernacle stood. Even those o'dox rabbis who say that one can go up to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem say that you have to immerse in a ritual bath first and wear only certain kinds of shoes and then you have to avoid certain areas up there. My acquantance marveled at the contrast. I cited Deuteronomy 30:14, "Because the word is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it." Rabbinical Jews have a fetish for (figurative) fences, around their holy place nd around the Torah itself. To this IS's say that fences are barriers that impede contact! "Because the word is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it."

I have to go back to the US in October for a visit. I will definitely want / need to go to Aargareezem first, possibly in early September, before our "Rosh Hashanah." Every Friday night, as we welcome in the Sabbath, I implore God to send me of the holiness of that Place, Aargareezem.